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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Today, the person who manage to whirl my mind was none other than Atika. She called me when i was on the circle line asking me what was so important that i can forgo outings with Xin Rong like that. I remained silent as i really don't know how to answer her question. Xin Rong is very disappointed. I know right? I know that she is upset since yesterday when she used that tone to text me back. I apologized but she said used to it. yeah that proven what a jerk i am. But what can i do except for making her happy on Friday? Does she even wants to see me on friday? I think she hates me till she doesn't wanna see me anymore already la.. Thought that they will scold me, but they never. That made me even more guilty. I know things are wrong. But i really don't know how to make them right. I miss them. But saying this make me a perfect jerk. Actually i am a heartless and irresponsible girlfriend who cannot even keep promises to outings with my girls. Seriously i don't deserve any girls to be with me anymore. I'm not deserving of any girlfriends with me. They are really unlucky to the max to have me this kind of take aviation and R more important than them. I suck to the core. Seriously suck to the core. They should just cut all contacts with me, because they are really awesome girls who don't deserve this type of treatment. She stood by me when i need someone the most, when he left me in the cold.I suck to the max treating someone who treat me with her entire heart. I think i so totally disappoint her and broke her heart. I really really feel so guilty. She was always there. But i always left her for him. i deserve to lose this moon man.. I cannot even sleep last night. Don't even have appetite for dinner today. Think i will skip dinner and drink some water just rest in for the day. Haix..


Wednesday, October 05, 2011



Today marks the First Year death annivesary of the late Mr Joseph Lim. So fast one year has passed. Planned to visit his grave this year and went together with Yong Xiang and Justin. We spent close to 2 hours from 2pm just walking around the christian to locate his grave. Serious No Joke.


We started the journey by meeting at paya lebar mrt that bus stop. Took circle line down from there to bishan. During the ride, someone called me. After her call, my mind went whirling. Then from bishan we transfer to red line down all the way to choa chu kang. We were catching up and stuff about our current school life. It was a really pleasant session chatting with them though. After alighting at MRT, we had a quick lunch at Pasta Mania at Lot1 before heading down to basement to get a stalk of white rose each. I had mushroom pasta with combo B. Felt that we should get a boutique instead of getting only one stalk.. Like so stingy only. Budget budget.. Whatever la. In the end still get one stalk each mah. 


After that we took bus 172 down to CCK cemetery and alighted at Pathway 3. Justin located the office after walking close to half an hr and we waited outside at the office for the guy to come back. Talked to another uncle who came to ask us for directions too. Ask the guy for directions and dragged justin out. I was telling him that its the one downhill he dun believe me. So we went to the old cemetery to search for close to 1 hour before locating the actual one. God and Mr Lim bless. Finally visited his grave. Tears still rolled down my cheek as i read the verse on his tombstone. More to tears of being touched i guess? Legs nearly broke, but what kept us going was the thought of must see Mr Lim's grave. Therefore regardless how tired we were, we still pushed on till we saw his grave. Yong Xiang wasn't feeling well, he wanted to cab home. But i insisted that it was too expensive and we took bus to cck bus interchange. Really glad that get to visit Mr Lim today on his death anniversary. Ate Yami Yoghurt and took 67 from CCK and alight at bedok MRT that stop. 


Talked to R 45 minutes today. Really long chat about alot of things. I hate bai wasting his money. R said he wanted to take this CP stay as his last time stay and not gonna book anymore. But honestly told him that it was ridiculous and we should not do that. He and bai quarrelled over the phone i guess? R sounded very fed up. We were discussing abt his attitude towards bai and with other spotters and all. He said he will settle my Nikon camera that i wanted. But i really don't want to touch his money to buy such an expensive blated birthday present for me...Not worth it. He spent close to 400 bucks buying his PSP battery and a new camera already, really don't want to use his money anymore. Even he said can earn back cause hes with army. Alot more la. Forgotten also. 


Then we hung up when entered food court of bedok interchange accompanied Justin and yong xiang for dinner before we took Bus 16 back home.


-Day Ended-Reflection time-



Wednesday, October 05, 2011


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Really a mixed feeling day. R told me that his standby training would end late. Ended up it ended damn early abt 10plus. Tmr was suppose Mr Joseph Lim's first year death anniversary. Therefore told R that need to go back to NAS to check what is the exact location of his cemetery. Woke up ard 11.51am then went to wash up and all. Preparing to go meet kitty as her meeting with her classmates PW meeting ended early. Was planning to go eat seoul garden with her and shop for the cheese cake ingredients. But ended up on the way to NAS, R called. That was really unexpected.  He said Avian cargo landed wanted me to check. But i was otw to school and could not. So no choice he went home to check and update me. Feel so bad. Need to fly kitty's kite. Prepared to find a bomb shelter. Prepared for her to slaughter me already. Went to school, waited for mr victor ong and sit at the general office. Left my contact number with the lady and rushed off to airport. Luckily never cab bcause 34 came in time.

Ended up reach the airport and waited for R to arrive in front of crowne since bai wants to get it from crowne. Both R and me think its very risky plus under the situation we do not know what runway is Avian cargo depting from it is not easy to get her. R arrived just in time and as we waited for bai at the seats and discussed. Its a wrong decision to get it from crowne. If i had gone to T1 vm, would have at least gotten its full body. As we were discussing, Avian cargo departed. Freaking disappointed. Ended up we walked to the sky train to T1, i was quite surprised. R actually said he gotten it before and actually the main aim is want to get it for me. *Shocked for a moment* Don't understand why is bai so anxious about cp. He keep rushing R and me to go book cp. Honestly i don't know is it the right decision to even go to cp. Because if we are only doing it for leisure, why are we spending so much money on our hobby? Not really worth that much money what. 

Nowadays thanks to bai i do not even have a chance to have heart to heart talks with him because everything i ask he will probe. It really leaves us with no privacy at all. How is he gonna open up to me when there is an extra person asking almost everything that he asked me like that day when he mentioned about his mother and family stuff like that? I seriously hate that but do i have a choice? Sometimes i cant help feeling that the title that Fabian gave me should go to bai instead. But i don't really have a chance to bring it up to R thanks to bai's presence. Sometimes i just want to enjoy R's company, but bai will simply spoil all my fascinations of everything.. He just loves to glue R to him and molest him. How i wish i can just shout to him "hey dude, hands off my man!". But unfortunately with our current unofficial and dunno what status i doubt it is ever possible luh.

Yeah aft we sit and played with DSi camera for a while, we headed over to cp there to check prices for the room. R just stuck his golden ass onto the cushion and bai dragged me over to the counter to ask abt the room pricing.The room both aft GST and SVC taxes all its gonna be around 737 or 748. Heavens.. Seriously i got really turned off by the price. Even if we divide the price by 4 each person is still gonna pay around 200 bucks. Almost amount to the money that we stayed last time for one night. But wad excuse am i gonna use this time round? The price is a real issue man. Initially we wanted to talk over lunch at SUBWAY!xD but ended up bai spoilt my plans again saying need to go T2 meet his dad. Expected. R said come back dinner subway, but doubt it is ever gonna happen. Hope he was abit more like kitty that say and confirm do it. *guilt towards her* i began to doubt my decision to the airport whether is it right or wrong man. Bai never fails to upset me. 

We went to T2 to have lunch with his father. A brand new experience. We were discussing on the cp stay. He treated us to lunch. Feel really bad for ordering milkshake. But looking at R's blinking eyes when he told me got milkshake, he finally remembered i liked milkshake. *happy secretly* We both ordered two prata plain. But he ordered mango milkshake and chocolate milkshake for me. It came with an awesome curry gravy that is vegetarian. Thought we might go back there to eat again. Simply awesome.

After that, R and me finally had some personal and private time together. We headed down by 36 to parkway then change 48 down to Simlim Square. During the bus trip, he lean against the window to rest. Just like an adorable baby. So sound but yet seem so light that might wake up anytime. Sounds like a pervert but watching him rest is also quite enjoyable.=) he was quite upset due to Lion Air's 50th anniversary scheme came today and he went to get a new camera. Naise. Helpless against it anyway. Finally got a chance to bring up the issue during bus trip. I mentioned i think fabian gave me the wrong title. He said this: i don't think i even have a companion. At first before i know bai, i tried to avoid those hard core spotters is not wanting to be like them. Spotting to me is only a hobby but everything is not going according to what i planned. Totally shocked by his response man.

After we hit simlim, we went to the washroom first then continue rackying for his camera. First shop being ridiculously quote us freaking expensive. But however i saw a model of Nikon camera that i find it quite user friendly and thinking of getting it. Second shop okay but dun have the model we wanted. Third shop which is Allen's, their pricing was pretty reasonable. Went to ask about his PSP battery also as the battery was dead. I manage to haggle till 30 bucks. Ended up total did not exceed his budget of 400 dollars. We went back to allens to get the camera for 340 and psp battery for 30 bucks. Total spendings was 370. Thankfully did not exceed 400 dollars. At bugis street, i was seriously considering the Nikon camera. It was 200 dollars difference of the first and the last. R promised to come back to get the camera with me. He heard a familiar song that later he on his ipod and find the song. So, otw back to the airport on train, we were listening to songs together on his ipod. It was really long since we last hear songs together. Playlist was: Dynamite, Teenage Dream, Straight _ the heart, Never had a dream come true, Trust You.当你孤单你会想起谁, _, Someone who cares,..... forget already. HAHAHA. But it was shiok listening to songs together. He was totally rotating me on the mrt cuz i was too engrossed in the songs. I sang dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shei at killiney as he ate chicken rice. The way we came out of MRT while listening to ipod, on the escalator, walking together, pay money, collect food, eat, in the sky train, i cannot catch up, he put his arms around me to hold me while we walk and sing all without removing the earphones eh deH~ All so unforgettable. 

At the Vm, today CA 969 and 957 both sent in specials. R was extremely delighted. He got clear shots of them both.;3 really happy for him. I got some shots too. But not as clear as his. After that, we went down escalator, i was mentioning to him, R, shld i get the nikon? He said. i chip it 150 lah. Take it as a late birthday gift from me? i was shocked that that sentence will ever pop out from his mouth. Gosh i was really touched ttm. I said. If i really buy the nikon camera, it will signify alot of things. It will officially start my spotting journey. Our relationship will go up to the next level. He mentioned. We can interswap cameras also if you don't mind *winks* I said okay~ i thought you dislike using compact cameras? He said since when? hahahs i burst into laughter. When took bus, he reminded me to eat and rest early but i guess it never happened.=P discussed with yx and justin bout tmr morning. Gonna go comb cemeteries.  Mr Lim, we will do this for you. Sweet Day<3

*If our story was a movie, it will be a romance*


Tuesday, October 04, 2011


Monday, October 3, 2011

他是一个乐于助人,吃了黄连有苦不会说的傻瓜。就算被人误会而被骂的狗血临头,他也不吭一声。睛静静的受委屈也毫无怨言。他所住的地方是一件非常漂亮的公寓,设施齐全。夜景十分让人着迷。但对他而言那应该不是家,那是美丽的监狱.就算家人是如何的对他残忍,他还是想竭尽所能,无私奉献自己的一切。对朋友是这样,对自己的家人更不容置疑。我好想对他说好多好多。但直到他安静的原因,和他外出我总是默默的听着他想说的一切。因为我知道他平时不怎么爱说话,但碰到会明白他的人说一才会特别爱说话吧?他展现“才华”时,不知为何我会情不自禁的凝望着他“演”。他最迷人得让人无法抗拒的地方就是他那双雪亮的眼睛。他开心时,那双眼睛就会闪闪发光,慢慢的眯成一条直线。实在好刺眼。当他难过时,那双眼睛就会充满至悲伤,令人心碎。还想紧紧的把他搂进怀里,但从来没勇气。只能默默的坐在他身旁听他诉说心中的委屈。每天也只能默默的为他祈祷。希望他每天都能开开心心,无忧无虑。但不可能的。他老是说他笑起来不好看,因为平时太严肃的关系。但他从来不知道当他真的开心才微笑时是有多么的灿烂迷人,就像彩虹的倒影。他的笑容是这么的难得可贵,就像一个温暖的大太阳的温暖着他身边的人。好想把他每次的笑容封印在我脑海里,因为就是那个微笑让我有勇气去做一些我从来都不做的事情。好想承诺他会陪着他到永远,但又怕自己无法兑现。因为我们到某个人生阶段都是会改变的。我想守护在这只傻企鹅的身边到永远,不想让任何人再让他伤心。我宁愿他每晚都能做美梦而那些噩梦来让我承受。我发现当我躺在他身旁时,我是如此的敏感和小心。深怕我的每个举动会打扰到已安心入眠的他。他已不在我旁边时,我便会自动起身去查看身边的他到底去了哪里。他睡觉的样子好可爱啊,好像个乖小孩在做好梦一样如此的安详。若能每个晚上在他身边看着他入眠,我看我是最幸福的女人了。万岁!=)

*You are the first person i think of whenever good things happen as you are the one i want to first share it with! *


Monday, October 03, 2011